Cry for Help
by Joy Katie
Summary: This is a major trigger warning story. I started writing this for a reason. I intend to write it when I need to. It is not something that will have frequent updates. She wanted help. She needed it. She didn't know how to ask for it. Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected of places. But a silent cry for help doesn't necessarily mean you are ready to accept it. M for themes.
1. Prologue

Cry For Help

All it would take is one step. One jump. One cut.  
She could do it.  
Couldn't she?

Could she?

Did she have it in her to take such a drastic step?  
Did she even need to?

Would anyone care?  
Would they be happy that she had done something right for the first time?

What if it failed?  
Would they laugh? Would they mock her because she can't even do that properly?  
Would she spend the rest of her life being reminded of how she can't even end her own life successfully?

Was she weak for wanting to do it?  
Or was she weak for questioning whether she should?

Is it possible to have regrets in the afterlife?  
Is there even any such thing as life after death?

Would she take this step and then just cease to exist?  
What about her family? Would they remember her? Would they forgive her?

Is she being too impulsive? She has thought about this. She has considered her options.

It was clear that she could do it…

The question was whether she should.


	2. Reaction

"I want to die."

"Excuse me?" The response from Archie was quiet and questioning, having not expected those to be the first words out of her mouth when she entered the room. "Do you want to tell me why you said that?"

"Well. I said it because I feel it."

"Maybe I should rephrase my question Mayor Mills… what is going on that makes you feel that way?" Regina shook her head, unwilling or unable to put her complex thoughts into words. She stood from the seat she had taken and made her way to the window, looking out at the town she now loathed.

"I gave up everything… everything for a second chance at a new life. I was supposed to be happy. I was supposed to be living a life of joy and love and magical memories. I was not supposed to be waking to a feeling of dread of the coming day. I was not supposed to be awake until the small hours, until crying exhausts me enough to fall asleep. I am not saying I deserve anything, that I am entitled to anything. But I don't think my past lives should dictate that every day from now until forever makes me want to die. Not just that… it makes me want to do it myself." She looked up at Archie, expecting him to speak but there was nothing. He simply watched her passively, as if waiting for her to continue.

"I know I have Henry. I wouldn't do that to him. But this is the thing. I want to die. I have for years. And I am going to do it. I'm just… waiting for the right time." Again, the room was silent, this time for a matter of minutes before Archie realised she wanted him to speak.

"You seem pretty certain in your intent Madam Mayor… so what did you hope to achieve by coming here?" He saw the twitch of anger in her eye, and continued before she opened her mouth. "By that, I mean… how can I help you? You obviously came for a reason. Whether to try and get me to talk you out of it, or if you want someone to just listen while you talk? What can I do to make sure you don't have to go through this alone?"

Regina's eyes were sad and she was staring out the window as if her mind was occupied. Archie waited. He pretended not to notice her wipe the lone tear from her eye. "When the time comes, I just want Henry to know that I…" She hesitated again as she searched for the right work and the word she choked out surprised the doctor. "…tried to do better. For him"


	3. Realisation

Regina was steadfast in her decision, in her thoughts, but for some reason, she felt as if she needed to talk it through with someone. And when it came to deciding who, there was only one answer. It was not the one she expected. She pulled the stool closer and sat down, facing the general direction that she usually did when she was talking to her mother.

"I need to run something by you. It's going to sound crazy, believe me I know that, but it feels as though I have come to a realisation and I can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing. To put it bluntly, I think my realisation is that I am not scared to die. I used to be. But now, it's just like I am waiting for it to happen. Or at least that I will be ready for it when it does. The future doesn't scare me anymore, because whenever anything happens that I thought I'd be scared of… I just think 'well it's okay because I'll be dead before then'. And I know that that seems redundant, with everything you taught me mother, but really, I'm being brave. I'm making my own decisions and I'm taking charge of my own life, and I'm not letting anyone make decisions for me. I'm living like you raised me to be. Except in this case… well I guess living means dying. But that's okay. Because that's what I want."

As she finished speaking, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her chest. She'd been trying to piece together how she felt ever since she first spoke to Archie all those weeks ago. Things had improved for her, she wasn't always feeling so low, but the thought was always there in the back of her mind. She knew she couldn't explain her realisation to anyone living, it would hurt them or it would hurt her, but she couldn't keep it inside her anymore. For the first time, telling her mother something had caused her feelings of relief, not pain and sadness.

"Regina?" The word shook the woman to her core, the sound echoing through the otherwise now silent room. She turned to face the intruder, who stood staring at her, pale faced, as if they had seen a ghost. She could tell by the anguished look in their eyes that they had heard what she had been saying.


End file.
